A Comprehensive Guide to Not Being a That Kid

First, a classification:

Name: That Kid (may or may not include a suffix. For example, That Kid Brantfordshire XVII)

Habitat: Lower Level Lau

Mating Call: "Did you see that article in the Economist? Oh, I bet you can't even spell "Economist," my bad."

Distinguishing Features: Loud voice, particular enjoyment of lecture halls

Woe is the life of a That Kid. While we all verge on That Kid territory sometimes- everybody knows somebody who takes it to a new level of nerdtastic. These kids are brilliant, and they're intent on having everybody know it. There is nothing wrong with being smart, but there is everything wrong with being pretentious.

And I was going to do a post on how to not be a moron, but that would have taken years. Plus, I am hardly an expert on that topic. At this time I offer mad props to the That Kids of the world for their dedication to knowledge. We salute you. We respect you. And we'd really like to have a normal, friendly conversation with you sometimes. Now go UrbanDictionary "mad props."

So, without further ado:

1. Do not critique people's childhood experiences.

When I was about twelve years old, I met Karl Rove while on a family vacation. I didn't know who he was until years later. Upon hearing me tell this story, one particular specimen became visibly upset at the failure of my tweenybopper self to recognize Karl Rove. Dude...I was twelve.

2. Get your party on.

Think of us like bees: We are more afraid of you than you are of us. Plus, crowdsurfing at a house party and then acing a midterm the next Monday is probably a one-way ticket to Legendville.

3. Talk to people about things you're both interested in.

Really, the rest of us do have things to say, I promise! But I don't have much to say about New Zealand's legislature. So if you talk to me about that, you'll be wasting your energy while I stand there imagining what it would be like to ride a sheep or live in a Hobbit cave.

4. Don't fight with the professor during class. It's not cute.

You may think you're winning the admiration of your peers, but you're really just holding up class.

5. Philodemic reactions are fine and dandy, but only at Philodemic meetings.

Really. It's okay to stomp and hiss only when everyone else is also stomping or hissing. Do it in a social situation, and you run the risk of scaring folks who have never been to a Philodemic meeting. I've been, and it's pretty cool- but still, if you hiss at me, I won't immediately recognize that you're agreeing with me.

6. Clean is good.

Wash yo' hair, wash yo' clothes, clean your dorm room, 'cause we be havin' personal hygiene up in here!

So: Clean, friendly, nonconfrontational. And when it's the night before a midterm and I need to know the past five Nobel Prize winners in Physics in order of length of acceptance speech, you'll be the first friend I turn to. Peace!