NYE 2012

For some reason I will never understand - I had yet to party at an SEC school, until last night.  A bunch of my friends from high school and I were more or less making up for lost time.  While my friends were in a stupor this morning, I asked - and got - their permission to publish the NYE story, provided that I use initials instead of names.  But because I am paranoid a really caring friend, I have omitted all names and included all debauchery.

So, let's begin.  I carpooled over with some of my favorite people.  We did the happy, smiley, good-kid wave to our parents because we live in the suburbs, don't judge, and not a second after shutting the car doors, the driver looked at us and said "We're all gonna die."

We didn't.  But we almost didn't make it their, either- and had a backup plan which was finding an open field, busting out supplies from the trunk, and throwing our own party on the side of the road.  Also on the way, we heard a radio commercial for a product which I won't name here for obvious reasons - but in the Bare Skin variety, which over the radio sounds exactly the same as the Bear Skin variety.  Upon having a mini freak-out over ewwww who in their right mind would want to involve a pelt in that activity the response I got was, "That's how I set the mood.  I skin a bear. And then I put my junk in it."  

One Taco Bell run later (my first ever Taco Bell experience!  It was basically hazing! Hence the title of this blog) , we were at the house and ready to go.

I had to go back and cuddle a veggie tray to recover from that experience.

Some other friends met us at the house.  There was a picture-taking spree, in which all of us did the hand-on-hip, lean back, head tilt pose.  Everyone knows that sideways = sexy, totes obvi. And if somebody shows up on facebook with their spine at a ninety degree angle, that's how you know she's popular.  And if you can't be sideways then you better bust out that Sorority Squat lest everyone think you're a loser who takes pictures head-on, standing up.  If East Cobb had a gang symbol, it would be that pose because everyone does it.  To our credit, though - we are very practical.  Example:  "I don't think I can walk anymore."  "It's okay, you'll just crawl downtown!"

We went downtown and did the whole midnight-celebration-dance-on-platforms thing.  And gave the youngest in our group the nickname "Statutory."  It was one of those nights where every time I sent a text message, there was no guarantee that the recipient was still able to read.  One of us decided that everyone within a five foot radius was her "SOULLLLLMAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!"

I had been given a hoodrat fake ID - a xerox of a brunette Jewish girl taped to a piece of poster board.  I held it up to my blonde Italian mug and looked at a friend, showing her my very best impression of a 24-year-old with freckles.  She tried to assuage my fears, saying "This is Athens.  They give zero f__ks."

The rest of us stayed out until it got late and we forgot we were white and so we did SO. Much. Dancing.  The walk home was long, and morale was low.   I was doing fine but got a piggyback ride because "walking is way easier when someone else does it for me." #winning

A friend of a friend, who I'd never met before last night, watched me type my last name into a phone and immediately went "HOLY CRAP you're Angela Eats the Garnish!"  "How the hell do you know that!"  "I was the guy who emailed you from [right-wing college group X] a couple days ago!"  Not only did we grow up just a few miles from each other - our colleges are ten blocks apart in the Northeast, and he had read my application to write for a conservative blog (editor's note: now we've met so you better let me in).  We both went "small world!" and then stood there and made the Home Alone face at each other for awhile.

The Garnish reaches far and wide! 

All of us crashed at the house.  The next morning was more or less like hearing a montage of the previous night's events.

"Ohmygosh, you found the worst-looking girl in a large open space."

"Well, she told me her name was Brazil.  So I was enthralled."
"Did you think she was cute?"
"I couldn't see her face!  Might have been a dude!"

"She looked like a donkey!"

Viva bad decisions!

To two people who slept in a bathroom with a pull-out couch:

"Yeah, I peed in there while you were sleeping.  You didn't mind."

"So I think I ate a taco in two bites..."

So, that was my New Years 2012.  The best one yet.  There is nothing in the world like celebrating with old friends- I love you all so much, and my ribs still hurt from laughing!  Cheers.

PS - "FOUR FEET DRUNK."  This post would be incomplete without that!