All in the Family

Everyone's gearing up for Christmas right now - and in the six months after Christmas, my immediate family will have between the four of us:  Three birthdays, two graduations, a grad party or two, Matt's senior prom, my Senior Ball, and a family trip to Europe.  It is going to be a steady stream of relatives for quite awhile.  And because most of you have heard some of my ridiculous family stories, I figure it's time for you to meet my ridiculous family.

Mom's from here

and Dad's from there

Both of them lived here

and here, where I showed up.  Mom bailed out on the Florida plan pretty quick because, in her words, it sucked.

So we all got a....

.

Then, the Little Laxbro showed up.  He was born with sideburns and we have the awkward home videos to prove it.  He was also a ten-pound baby.  From there, he's only gotten bigger and hairier.

Note:  I needed a picture of a tall guy, so I picked Yao Ming.  The LaxBro is not, in fact, Asian.

Now, the LaxBro looks like this.  Picture this tethered to an Xbox with a phone orbiting around him, and yeah, that's about it.

Now for Mom's side of the family.

My mom's mom, my Grandma Jojo, was an ER nurse in Pittsburgh and has since been decorating everything imaginable in leopard print and sequins.  When she and my grandpa moved into the house they live in now, the movers asked "How many times have you been to Africa?"  My grandparents have never been to Africa.  Jojo takes her animal print very seriously.

My mom's dad, who the LaxBro and I call Paps, ran two construction companies and now lives in SC, cheers for his Steelers, and spoils his grandkids :)  He's a proud Carnegie Mellon graduate.  I definitely inherited Jojo's sequins-and-animal-print gene but unfortunately did not get Paps' engineering-math-stuff gene.  Paps did civic engineering all throughout PA - so if you ever see a Horton water tower, I can tell you more about it than you want to know, because Paps probably built it.  His favorite slogan?  "It may be sewage to you, but it's bread and butter to us!"  I hope to do this with a future career in government - "It may be a bunch of wonks in a room to you, but it's a chance to wear a cocktail dress for me!"

My mom's sister works for the Red Cross, and my mom's cousin Jason dealt with a different kind of disaster relief as an attorney in the Kennedy-Skakal trial.  Half of his head was in People magazine a few years ago.  All of Skakal is in prison.  Oops.

Cousin Jason is the one talking to Purple Sweater Boy.  I hope he talked that kid out of wearing that sweater ever again.

Okay, Dad's turn.

Dad's mom, my Grammy Jane, ran an ER in New York for 47 years.  You don't mess with Grammy Jane, but if someone else messed with you, she can give you stitches and feed you until you forget what it feels like to be hungry.  My Dad says that one of Grammy Jane's more "mothering" comments was, "You did WHAT?  I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND BEAT YOU WITH THE BLOODY END OF IT!"  Aaaaah, New Yorkers.

Dad's dad, my Grandpa Moe, was a decorated WWII infantryman and also a competitive ice dancer.  But not at the same time.

My dad's brother, my uncle Tony....

is the brunette!  He was the lead singer of the band Riot in the '80s.  Tony was the Artist of the Year in Japan one year.  Which is apparently pretty much like being Japan's Justin Bieber.  This is Tony pictured in his formal attire - he wore a leather tuxedo and a belt made of handcuffs to my parents' wedding.  If/when I ever end up getting married, I hope he wears the same thing to mine.

Note:  What's Fringe Guy to his right (our left) doing?  Fringe hair, fringe chest, fringe arms...dude WE GET IT you can stop now.

So that about sums up my family.  Things only get weirder the farther we go back in the family tree.
Apparently I come from....

• A great-grandpa who had a stable of racehorses
• Another great-grandpa who started an Anheuser-Busch distributorship still owned by my second-cousins so I've met the Clydesdales, STREET CRED

It's probably good that Horse-Racing Great Grandpa and Beer Distributing Great Grandpa never met each other, or else your beer would be coming to you REALLY FRICKIN FAST.

• Stanley Tucci!  Distantly related but now I have a blood connection to The Gay Assistant from The Devil Wears Prada and you better believe I'm gonna take that and run with it.

That's the fam!  Love them all.