The Metro, a Retrospective

I spent a small portion of my day in the Metro. It didn't have to be like this. I looked for a cab. My phone was dead, so I couldn't call one. And I had to get back to campus in time to get some dinner from Leo O'Donovan's Tofu Sculpting Facility. Since I was right next to Union Station, I bit the bullet and descended the escalator.

The escalator led straight into whatever circle of hell is populated by creatures who do nothing but grunt. Most didn't seem to have been above ground in days. The point of public transportation is that it gets you to somewhere else! Go outside. You'll have fun; it feels good; all the cool kids are doing it.

And what is it about the metro that makes people want to stare? And by people, I mean total pervs who can go four train stops without looking away from their target. This is quite unfortunate when their target is you, and there are three of them.

It is also quite unfortunate when you sit down next to what you think is a giant brillo pad, and then it starts mumbling at you. (This was creeper #3.) Speaking of mumbling- anybody ever notice how, in the depths of the train system, "Next stop, Fort Totten" sounds like "Text smurf, burnt omelet"? This is why I stare at the map, since nobody can hear what stops are coming up. But I don't see directions on me anywhere, so good luck getting off at the right stop, Mr. Scaryman McParoleviolation.

Most of the time, I do just fine on the Metro. But today, I was the only thing on the train that didn't look like a fossil. Hence, I was the subject of unwanted attention and have come to the following conclusion: The problem with public transportation is not the transportation, it's the public. And also, I would like a bodyguard and/or a horse-drawn carriage. The end!