Reflections on the GUTS Bus

I would like to think that I'm pretty good at navigating the city, including public transit. But apparently not so much. Here are the rules of public transit that shouldn't have to be written, but do, because the general public is kinda gross sometimes.

1. If you have a head full of dreadlocks, and you unwittingly situate yourself so that a dreadlock comes in contact with my body, I reserve the right to give you the death stare. If I wanted dreadlocks I would grow my own! But I don't want dreadlocks, because I am not Lil Wayne or a dirty hippie, so please get those twirled up chunks of disgustingness far away from me.

2. I respect the right of every individual to make their own decisions about health. I do not, however, appreciate it very much when someone's body is spilling onto mine. If I wanted a fat roll, I would grow my own. Before everybody freaks out and starts calling this fat-phobic: How would you like it if a skinny person put part of their body (a leg, an arm, etc) in your seat? Probably wouldn't be very comfy. So keep all your body parts to yourselves for the duration of the bus ride.

One day I will invent something called the Lard Guard that keeps everybody's bits and pieces in their own seats. Until then, I will be dispensing liberal quantities of bitchface upon any violation of the aforementioned rules.