I Live in a Zoo

I try to be a good neighbor. Really, I do. I know other people are nutty, and that's okay. It's even a little funny when they draw Sharpie murals on the hallway walls. It's especially funny when someone has toothpaste from an Asian country that's mistranslated "anti cavity" to "anti calculus" on the label, but I digress. When it's the ONE NIGHT in a while that I stay in so that work and sleep can happen, and you steal common room furniture and BUILD A BARRICADE IN FRONT OF MY DOOR, the sass bubbles up (from my inner reservoir of sass, that's where I keep it) and things will get crazy. See, folks, for as long as you keep the coffee table vertical in my doorway, the sass just keeps a-boiling in room 316. So please, anyone who has both the muscles and compassion necessary to move the table away, I'd really appreciate it. And to whoever did this- when I get out of here- WE GON FIND YOU.