What Not To Wear

Hoooooookay.  Time for another installment of Angela Whines About Urban Life.  But first, an internet cat to show you how I react to this city sometimes.

1.  Trader Joe's.  Oh TJ, how we love thee, until it's Sunday night.  Sunday night Trader Joe's makes me think that everybody in DC was all "Oh haaaaay, let's all bring our screaming infants to the same grocery store and all talk as loud and nasally as possible!  Yayyyyz!  And we're gonna buy all kinds of organic crap so we look healthy even though we're acting like we're on a collective coke binge!  Holla!"

2.  White guys in flat-brimmed hats.  Son, you're about as "gangsta" as Phil Collins in a Snuggie.  Give it up.

3.  People who walk slow.  There is no good reason for this.  I just hate it when people walk slow.  I vividly remember mowing down a sizeable portion of my high school's Mathletes when they were schlumping down a hallway.  Schlumpity schlump schlump I'mma punch you in the face.

4.  Scrunchies.  If you wear a scrunchie in public, I assume that you wear a helmet when you're at home.  Also pretty sure that scrunchies multiply like bunnies when no one's looking- what's one, solid color scrunchie one day turns into college girls looking like they were mugged by Richard Simmons the next.

5. SHEER leggings as pants.  Have these people never heard the phrase, "Cover your @$$"?  Because we've gone from jeans to jeggings to leggings to REALLY THIN leggings and seeing a seam hold on for dear life is like the saddest thing since that time I had a locker near all the goth kids my freshman year of high school.

Now, I know I moved here for a reason. I can get mad at people in Trader Joe's, but at least seeing people (or avoiding people) in a grocery store is not what their lives are about.  I live in a place where the scrunchie-wearing community is generally accepted, and if you don't wanna wear pants, just slap on some Spandex you had since you were twelve, and cross your fingers!  Even a guy wearing tights and a scrunchie under his oversized hat walking slowly through a Trader Joe's would probably have the decency not to judge me for wanting to learn- that's more than I can say for some of the better-dressed people I've met elsewhere.  And finally - after way too long - I'm in a place that's about Christianity, not Churchianity.  People "get it" when it comes to the big stuff (except the Metro, that's really big and still screwed) but this is a city where people work- so they respect it- and they have a sense of what matters, and that's what I think about on Sunday nights.  Hoya Saxa.